In an article written by Giba Hoffman for Nintendo Blast titled “Funky Kong: surfer, inventor, entrepreneur, hero,” or at least that’s what Google Translate says, the author goes through lengths to paint a picture of a loyal and heroic member of the Kong family. I am here to make sure you know the truth: that Funky Kong has been radicalized by war and capitalism. He is not to be trusted in the role of ally to the Kong family. However, this was not always true. Join me on a brief history and analysis of the timeline that saw him go from 90s icon to a cop disguised as a meme.
Funky used to be a friendly dude who only wore headgear and a necklace that says RARE (or HARD or KARL depending on your willingness to examine the art of him for this game). According to Donkey Kong Country (1994)’s manual Funky Kong is a “surf punk friend,” and that he hates to go on adventures. This is true. His operation is conducted purely to assist toppling a crocodile monarchy and otherwise he just wants to hang out and do nothing.
In the sequel, Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest (1995), Funky maintains his relaxed demeanor with a little bit of a twist. In order to use his services of flying to different parts of the island you now need to pay a one time fee. This could be seen as capitalizing on the demand his family has as well as him being the only one who can supply transportation. My interpretation is that this man is having trouble running a non-profit airport. His vehicle is downgraded from a jet plane wedged onto a barrel to a biplane wedged onto a barrel. You can see the old plane-barrel behind the new one, so something must have gone wrong. It is also worth mentioning that the GameBoy Advance version of the game tries to retcon Funky’s struggles as his services are always free.
Moving to a new place can change a person. For some it means meeting new people and picking up new hobbies. Funky Kong’s move to the Northern Kremisphere in Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong’s Double Trouble (1996) meant putting on pants, getting really into mechanical engineering, and learning about capitalism. This isn’t necessarily a crime, but it is a noteworthy turn for our former surf-punk friend. For one there isn’t a surfboard anywhere in sight. Funky’s identity thus-far has primarily been surf in the way that The Barbie Movie (2023)’s featured Ken’s identity is beach. Not only does he not even attempt to surf, but now he owns a store.
His sales pitch is to give you the first few vehicles for free, but to get the gyrocopter that can go anywhere you need to give him all 41 DK Coins in the game. The motor boat, hover craft, and turbo ski that he provides earlier are all made from parts that you gather and barter for. I’ve seen his gyrocopter and I’ve seen the coins. He didn’t make that gyrocopter out of money. He is purposely slowing down your ability to save your family, nay, HIS family, because he needs your money. It is possible that he just can’t afford the parts to do this, but my guy used to run an airport and is a jort-wearing mechanic now. This is either a play for financial gain or he is being too laid back about out. His entire non-kongnapped family is, quite frankly. Wrinkly Kong is retired, really into fitness, and playing Nintendo 64 (which is cool. Slay). Swanky gave up the gameshow life to be a carnival game operator. It is hard to know if this all occurred before or after meeting the Brothers Bear.
These bears love to bargain and barter. A lot of their personality traits are outwardly apparent such as Bazaar’s want to sell goods, Bazooka’s interest weapons, and Boomer’s demand for 85 Bonus Coins in order to detonate explosives that helps Dixie get to new areas. I’m painting you a picture here because its clear these bears are having an impact on our beloved Funky Kong. He isn’t spending enough time with the lovable Benny or Blue who respectively help the Kongs and just wanted people to remember his birthday. Instead, Funky has learned more about war and profit just in time to enter the third dimension.
In Donkey Kong 64, Wrinkly Kong is dead. The cause of her death is unknown, but Funky Kong is a weapons dealer now. Maybe he is in a midlife crisis. Perhaps he has had enough of King K. Rool and is trying a new approach to make sure more of his family can live in peace. It is hard to say, but we’re dealing with a Funky Kong who has learned about explosives and guns and said “yes, I want 50 of those and I’m going to give all my friends guns too.” Draped in camo clothes, combat boots, a massive bazooka, and scary red glasses (presumably because Funky only sees blood now), Funky supplies the Kongs with their own guns and unlimited ammo all on the house. He’s choosing violence over profits, but it’s still abhorrent behavior for someone that was once known as a “surf-punk friend.” This is now Funky’s identity for the next few years. It even carries over into those GameBoy Advance ports I mentioned as Funky Kong actually drops a bomb on King K. Rool as he tries to escape at the end of the GBA version of Donkey Kong Country 2.
After being fully enveloped in a military version of the Satsui no Hado (mental note: Akuma joins the army as a Gartic Phone prompt), Funky Kong went away for a while. He appeared in a minor role a couple of times, but remained dormant until the late 2000’s where he returned to his mechanic era mostly to just do sports. In Super Smash Bros. Brawl he is described as “tired of business dealings, as he’s been a barrel-race participant more recently.” However, his sins are not forgotten as his trophy also described him as someone that provides services “be it a barrel-transport system or ammunitions expertise.” This might be the last time his thirst for blood is alluded to, but this is now Funky Kong’s “look” that remains to this day. Super Smash Bros. does a good job, if nothing else, of archiving video game history. Funky is forever tied to war.
Today, Funky Kong has returned to his life of capitalism. He’s trying to remember what it means to do surf, but the spirit is entirely wrong. His allusions to business dealings are no longer something I have to reach for. He actively hoards bonuses, helpful hints, protection and general support all for a profit. Remember, this is someone who is a part of the Kong Family. He is seen as a big brother to Donkey Kong and I guess that includes selling extra lives. He also does adventuring now thanks to the Switch port of Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze where he is now playable in the Funky Mode and it is immediately clear that he is quite simply a threat to anyone that opposes him.
Today, Funky Kong still has he jorts. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate describes him as a role model to Donkey Kong while also saying “he’s also dealt out weapons.” He still has the gunpowder stained into his fur. It’s entirely possible that this is who Funky Kong was always meant to be. Perhaps romanticizing who he originally was for only two games out of 16+ appearances is misguided. It’s hard to let go of the bodacious surfer gorilla that just swung around on a surfboard in mid-air somehow??? When others see Funky Kong added to Mario Kart 8 Deluxe they feel joy, but I only feel a longing for my precious boy who rejected clothes and embraced surf. When people spot him in the background of the Super Mario Bros. Movie they feel excitement, but I only mourn for an ape that I thought maybe reformed even a little bit (and mourn for whoever he plans to shoot with those four rockets attached to his kart).
Funky Kong is gone and now Funky Kong is here. Funky Kong is not your friend.
